Circumstances are things we cannot control. They are facts and they are neutral. They do not have emotion attached to them. WE are the ones that attach an emotion to them.
For example, we can’t control the way people treat us. We can’t control the actions of our spouse, or of our friends. We can’t control who dies or who cuts us off in traffic.
We have to learn to accept reality if we want to be happy. Accepting what is, is one of the first step to regaining control over your life and your feelings.
It is when we accept what IS that we begin to take the control back that we gave away by resisting the reality.
Buuut I don’t wanna…
TOO BAD. Choosing to resist reality is like fighting gravity, as I was once told. You can hate gravity, try to defy it, but it is not going away. No matter how angry or frustrated it makes you.
Fighting what is, is a guaranteed loss EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Save your energy for something else. It doesn’t make logical sense to fight it. And you know you want to be logical.
Accepting reality doesn’t mean you agree with it, it just means that you are not going to resist it any longer.
Whaooo. Congratulations. Now that you have accepted your circumstances the stage is set for you to take the power and your happiness back into your life.
Now that you are taking back the control in your life you can separate your circumstance (facts, reality, what you don’t have control over). And rewrite the stories you attach to them.
Example: Two of your good friends went to dinner together and didn’t invite you.
Circumstance: Two of your friends went to dinner together and didn’t invite you.
This is neutral. It is a fact. It is reality.
Now you have a CHOICE: What are you going to make this circumstance mean? What story will you tell yourself?
Giving power away: My friends don’t like me, that’s why they didn’t invite me. Maybe it’s because I am too loud, or because I am overweight, they must feel embarrassed to be seen with me or think they are doing me a favor by not putting me in a “food” situation.
Taking Power over your life: My friends must have thought I was busy. They know I work and have young children to take care of. I know they love me and wouldn’t hurt my feelings on purpose. I’ll catch them on the next round. (Make sure these are thoughts that are believable to you.
Feel the difference in emptions when you read each of those scenarios.
What we make something mean, what type of story we CHOOSE to attach to an event, either gives us power or GIVES it AWAY.
The choice is yours.
All my best,